This weeks theme in 'the gallery' over at Tara Cain's Blog is food. This is something I know a lot about and I'm going to put it out there for public consumption.
Deep Breath, and here goes.......
I have suffered all my adult life from eating disorders. Generally it hits every few years or at times of stress. Since the age of 18 I haven't had a day go by other than during my pregnancies that I haven't counted every last calorie in everything that passes my lips. At times of eating normally or overeating this can seriously affect my mood and how I cope with other things in my life. At some points I have dropped 4 stone in a few months and others piled on 2-3 stone and punished myself every day with every morsel.
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| This was me after the priory. Its the only Photo I have of that time. |
I've never gotten dangerously thin as I have a mother who has eyes and instincts like a hawk and keeps an eye on everything I do. Once at the when I was 26 she broke down at how much weight I was losing but I still couldn't put food in my mouth.It's not that you don't want to, it's that your brain overtakes the need and wont physically let you. On that occasion my parents paid for me to go to the priory for help and that was as low as I would ever let myself get. Now I know when to ask for a bit of support and help. Now is one of those times. I can feel it slipping and have lost a substantial amount of weight which is needed but its the switch that flicks and causes it to be a problem for me. I've been unhealthily overweight since Caleb was born and it has gotten to me so much now that it's mentally affected me and I am now back under the supervision of a dietitian and doctor.
I am determined to get this under control and lose it sensibly and as I now have a 13 year old daughter it's paramount that I can do it, as I wont have her exposed to eating disorders.
There I've said it out loud.
I had no idea. Thanks for sharing. Food is a tough thing to battle with. With drugs and alcohol the cure is total abstinence. With food you always have to eat which makes the whole thing very tricky.
ReplyDeleteGlad you have people around you that care and watch out for you though
A massive well done for getting it out there. Since I outed myself on my blog about a year ago I constantly receive emails from people seeking a friend in a samiliar situation. There are so many of us with eating disorders.
ReplyDeleteOurs can be a hidden disease - I was planning on doing a post in the next couple of weeks about how compulsive overeating can be a hiddden disease as so many people look 'normal'. I remeber when I first started going to Overeaters anon that I could not believe all the slim and glamorous people there.
So glad you are in treatment. Mich x
Well done for writing this lovely! Hope you get to where you want to be lovely and you are quite right that you need to be sensible especially when bringing up a young girl!
ReplyDelete