Tuesday, 30 August 2011

An old post

I wrote this in Febuary about my Misti.


I often blogged about her and she was often my wordless wednesday or silent sunday picture.

RIP mummys girl. xxx

My Loss

Yesterday I had to make the hardest decision of my life so far. I had to put my old Cat Misti to sleep.

She had been losing weight for the last month or so, so rapidly I was terrified and she had also been acting slightly strangely for a while. I had put a lot of it down to old age for a long time. She was 18 years old and didn't seem to hear me very well or function greatly. She hadn't seemed unhappy or in any pain and as she often had seemed to fade a little over the last few years then come back fighting and healthy I tended to just leave her be. She was a wild cat and hated any interference out with her and my little circle.
Taken 2 weeks ago and she looked old and unsteady then. 

Yesterday morning she seemed slightly unsteady and my mothering instincts told me she wasn't right. When my husband woke and then told me she had soiled the carpet the night before I knew something really wasn't right. Misti has never ever had an accident in her 18 years and he said she had obviously not known she even needed the toilet as she hadn't even squatted. Again though you hope it is just old age and incontinence but I just had a gut feeling something wasn't right.

Caleb and she had become very close this summer. 

When I looked at her little face she looked pleading with me and I couldn't bear it. I put some tuna down for her as she hadn't eaten more than a bite for a few days but was uncontrollably thirsty,( We assumed maybe diabetes or hypothyroidism.) but when she came over to eat it her back legs fell away. I immediately phoned the vet and even though the surgery was closing early the vet said to bring her immediately. I piled her in the cat box (with no fight and this is one feisty girl normally) and headed the 2 minute drive. When I got there they weighed her and she had lost 2kg in 3 weeks. The vet was immediately concerned and asked permission to do a blood test. I gave it and waited for the results on their machine. 15 minutes later out the vet came and I knew by her face as she walked out. I just said 'Its cancer isn't it?' and she nodded. She brought out the results and all the time I'm thinking, 'its ok we can deal with this. She's insured and whatever it takes to get her well I'll do'. The majority of her results were normal all amazingly so apparently for her age. Her liver function was that of a young cat as were all her organ functions other than her kidneys which were creeping up slowly they said but not so much as she would be having a major problem immediately, but her blood levels of red blood cells were off the chart non existent. She then told me they had struggled to even find a functioning vein to take the blood and the colour of it had been unrecognisable for them. After than I went blank. I just said 'theres no options is there?' and the young vet shook her head and put her arm round me. She told me if I was lucky she would only have hours and although she was a real fighter and obviously not suffering greatly if I left her she would. She said it was fairly obviously end stage blood cancer and she must've had a massive bleed internally in the last few hours and I should let them take her now. I felt blind panic. Couldn't I even take her home for a cuddle and bring her in later??? She said not if I truly loved her and I should let them sedate her now then take her through. She said if I wanted to call someone to be with me then I should do it now. I called my Dad. He adored her and I knew he would want to see her too. He arrived minutes later and sat with us while she fell asleep in her box then the vet took her out and let me kiss her and took her away. I stopped her for a second and kissed her little foot like I always did but I forgot to ask to hold her and cuddle her. She was gone. They asked if I wanted her ashes returned to me but I just wanted out of there. I paid and left with my Dad. The whole day was a blur. We went to my parents and had a bloody good cry with them and came home to a home missing my girl and it feels so wrong.

Her favourite pastime. 

What people don't understand other than my parents who went through her life with me is that she wasn't just a cat or my pet she was my baby. I got her at days old when her mum was killed in a car accident and the kittens needed a home. She was the runt and no one would take her so I did and I ate ,slept and lived that kitten until she was old enough to stop worrying about her. I wrapped her in blankets on my pillow at night to keep her warm and loved. I developed asthma and was bed ridden with lung problems for 4 months because of an allergy to her but I fought it and was determined we would manage. We did and we were connected ever since. She would sit waiting every day at the door for me to get home from work. She moved with me everywhere I went and lay with me every night. When I had my daughter and we had to live at my parents for a few months she quickly reeled them into her crazy humanness ways and turned them as non cat people into balls of mushy grandparents. My Mum would talk to her all day long and always bought her the best cold meats to give her 'grannies little treats' when she got in every day. My Dad and I used to laugh at her a lot in the kitchen chatting to Misti sitting listening with that little face so expressive as if she understood. She would ask them every night at the same time to let her out and she would walk down their road to the train station and wait for me to get off the train from work. I'd see her eyes shining in the street light and we'd walk home together. She really didn't know she was a cat. It became a standing joke with all my parents neighbours. The cat who thought she was a human.

Me age 22 and Sophie age 9months. That was my little family back then. 

When I went into hospital to have Sophie my parents grew very concerned. She lay on a jumper of mine curled up and didn't move for 5 days. Not to eat or go to the toilet. If anyone tried to touch her she would hiss and growl at them. The minute I arrived back in my sisters car with baby my mum opened the door and she shot out and all was well in her world instantly.

Last winter. Thats my girl. 

When S died she sat with me for 3 days while I cried and never ate or moved for herself just snuggled with me and understood. She has never left my side. The longest I've left her was out holiday to Newquay this year. 9 days and I couldn't wait to get home to her. It was the first thing I would do when I ever got home from a few days away. I couldn't wait to see Misti.  It's a standing joke amongst all my family and close friends who knew her and I as a pair that I loved her more than anyone else. Sophie used to say ' she loves Misti more than me even' (which wasn't true of course but I could equate it to as much as). I couldn't have loved her more if she was my child, if she had been human. I always said she was the baby I had who would never grow up. She stayed small enough to cradle forever and dependant on her Mum forever.

The kids are devestated. Especially Sophie who grew up with her and Caleb goes around shouting for her then saying 'uh-oh Misti's gone away'.

One of the last photos I took before she had started fading away. 
Yesterday I lost my other half. My soul mate and right now I don't know how to cope with it. I hope I learn soon.

Friday, 19 August 2011

Development Update

It's been a long time since I updated with Caleb's battle with his sluggish development. He's catching up fast now and every day brings another little step forward. I'd say he's probably averaging about 6months behind other kids his age but as they're all so different it's difficult to say.

His speech is coming on daily and every couple of days he will actually come away with a full sentence used in context and always makes me giggle. He is a really wee babbler and one day it will all just make sense I reckon.

A lot of his problems stem from sheer laziness in my opinion. There's not much wrong with him I reckon other than being mollycoddled a bit much by me (slaps wrist). That much has to change so I'm going to try and start pushing him a little more to be slightly more independant. Hopefully that will help him catch up a bit easier.

This week I decided to get him moving with his eating and make him feed himself with cutlery. He managed just fine. He's happy to feed himself finger foods and always has been but if it came to spoons or knives and folks he would refuse. I thought I'd try it again this week and instead of sitting with him while he eats, I would potter around and he did great. Happily scoffing soups and cereal. Cutting up his own food and eating with a knife and fork. So hugely proud of this little man. He's come so far in such a short time.

Now we just have to master being able to look at a potty without freaking the hell out and hopefully by his 3rd birthday in November attempt some potty training. EEK.

Been a While

It's been a while since I sat down and took some time to document what we've been up to today. What with school hols and a very active 2 year old to chase around I certainly don't get as much time as I used to. I'm not complaining for one minute though as something I've realised recently is that it's not so much about my time for now, that will come, its more about being me the mum and giving more attention to my family and less attention to the computer screen. Some days I don't even get time to switch it on and I love it.

Anyway, today we had a lovely time together. Sophie is back at school and Hubby's working so Caleb and I got up with the lark and went to the swimming pool for some fun. We had a great time.

right mummy lets go!!!!
Doing the excited dance.

Caleb loves the pool and loves to sit in his float while I swim up and down pushing him. He likes to tell me to 'stop, turn, and go that way'. Really good fun. We'd been in an hour when one of my good friends and her husband arrived. We had a long chat and Caleb loves her Hubby so he took him to play while my friend and I caught up. He even took him swimming so I could go for a sauna and jacuzzi. Yeep!! Was bliss. After a couple of hours we got showered changed had a snack and headed home for lunch.

After lunch of homemade soup and bread we packed up and walked into town to get something for dinner. While we were there we wandered along to the beach and watched the tractors for a while then walked home.

The beach was tranquil today. The kind of day I love. 

Tractors in the distance. 

 I'm telling you, if we don't sleep tonight it will be a miracle. Its only 3pm and we are both shattered.

It was a great day though. I'm hoping to have many many more like it.

Saturday, 13 August 2011

Back to School Soon

Five days and counting!!!! Five days until our schools go back here. Yipeeeeee. (I'm not excited honestly)

I'm not saying I don't like my little *ahem* angel at home, no not a bit, what I'm saying is I hate the summer holidays. Its too long and even the kids start to get bored towards the end. I defy any mother who claims she 'loves' the holidays (liars) to still say the same when their currently small and angelic pre school or junior school kiddies are teens. Teens are bored much faster, less easy to amuse, drain on your finances and generally angry that a) your taxi service isn't on call 24/7 and b) they may actually have to get out of bed before lunchtime to let you leave the house. (I'm not a mother who leaves my 13 year old home alone so she has to be organised so I am organised)

I remember the days well of her at junior school and happy during the summertime to tag along at whatever activity myself or grandparents did for the day. We often went picnics or to the beach just for cheap summer solutions or on rainy days painted or got the board games out. Now a suggestion of such things results in a barrage of cheek and text to her friends whinging about her insane and stupid mother.

Her friends have had quite a lot of holidays this year and sometimes they all coincided with each other leaving my girl at a serious loose end. Other times just the mere fact of a bunch of hormonal 13/14 year olds being bitchy meant someone was always left out and my girls refusal to get involved generally meant it was her.

Our holiday was far to early on in the school year although if we had waited the cost would've soared so next year I fully intend to book a month away and let her be bored somewhere else.

Anyway I salute the upcoming Thursday the 18th of August and say bring it on. I also can't wait to have more money now I'm not supplying enough to feed a small army ,getting some time to actually do some blogging and mostly ME time. Yay for school.