Sunday, 19 December 2010

Christmas Drama with the In Laws

Why is it every Christmas and families turn into raging loons??

It would seem that all over the world relationships are rocked by the dreaded decision of where to spend Christmas and who with??? Marriages suffer and children's Christmas's spent amongst warring families. Why???? I just  don't get it! As far as I was brought up, families all get together for Christmas whenever possible.

My papa's Birthday was on Christmas day and he had been a widower for a very long time long before his girls had children of their own so we always spent it with him and whenever possible with my Dads family too. My Gran was widowed too but she had her other son's family nearby so every other year went there. When we had both grandparents there I loved it as a child and even better if all Aunties Uncles and cousins were around too and we maybe got to go to a hotel other something similar. It was fantastic fun. I never remember my parents arguing about who went where or there being any hard feelings at all. My Gran and Papa got on very well and there was absolutely no jealousy or competition between them. I was so unbelievably close to my papa my Gran would have been very entitled to be a bit envious too but she was always very very happy to be with us all at any occasion.

So why oh why do so many people, including myself and my children, have their family special occasions spoiled by bloodymindedness and jealous carry on from Grandparents? My parents obviously brought us up with a very easy going holidays so are happy to go along with whatever we want to do but not my In-Laws!! They don't want to share any occasions with my family whatsoever. They want to separate us from my family and wont go to my parents for any special family events as they are insanely jealous that the kids spend any time there during the year and can't watch how settled and happy the kids are there. They aren't shy about telling my Husband about it either. I have always been very very close to my parents and they were amazing when I was a single parent helping me raise my Daughter whilst suffering from post natal depression. They've helped us out financially and are always there for my husband too for support but even after all that his parents make it very clear they would like that relationship to be less and that their grandchild should be closer to them than my parents as my parents have had their grandchild??? It's insane.

This should be the happy Christmas Image. Its how I remember mine. 

Anyway this year I arranged Christmas dinner at the local hotel where we had our wedding and just gave out an open invitation to all the family. As usual the in-laws wont come though and are now kicking off that we wont see them on Christmas Day.

Its all completely nuts if you ask me. I'm fed up arguing every holiday with my husband over their attitude. I love my husband to death but I am not going to put up with our situation forever with his parents. How do people live like this, in battle, forever.


  1. Ooh, that would drive me crazy - how stupid that you invited them and now they are moaning that they won't see you, surely that's their fault!
    I don't know how people live like this for years - I've been very lucky with my in-laws, I feel sorry for them as they never see us now we are in different countries but they have never complained.

  2. always problamatic the in laws!

    I take it they dont follow the blog???

    good luck

  3. I'm so sorry you have to put up with this negativity! We have several blended families amongst us, but we all manage to work things out. Anybody who doesn't like it swallows it because nobody wants to be "the Grinch". lol!

    My husband's late wife's family adopted me and our daughter right away, so even that is no struggle. What a blessing that is! I hope your in-laws can come to their senses and stop making unhappy memories for everybody.

    Marian Allen

  4. I think all family should try at christmas because of the children but after 8 years of trying there to integrate everyone I give up. No they don't read my blog but to be honest it's nothing I haven't said out loud many times.
    Marian, thanks. I wish we could all just swallow it especially for the kids. Sounds like a nice way to be. xx

  5. Out laws - just ignore thenm as best you can not a good use of your energy, I learnt a long time ago to manage expectations early so I say this Christmas whats happening next they have 12 months to get used/over it! I also learnt that a reference to age and dementia symptoms shuts my MIL up for weeks - mean but true! Cx

  6. HAHA genius claire. You are my mentor with inlaws. x


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