I'm not one for telling all in a Blog. There's some things I like to keep private, ('Is there really?' you cry. Well, yes so neh) however, basically I've had some ups and downs the last two months personally that have left my body exhausted and struggling.
Yesterday I gave in and went to the doctors again to ask them to check my bloods etc to see how I can sort this constant feeling of total wipeout.
So I pull up outside the surgery, and because I'm a bit early I sat in the car waiting for a few minutes before going in. BIG MISTAKE!!! Firstly I caught sight of myself in daylight in the rear view mirror. At what point did I turn into the bride of Frankenstein???? I'm the palest woman alive with the darkest circles ever round my eyes and I look like I have a full fortnight in Spain's luggage under them. That was the point where I thought, Id much rather wait indoors at the surgery or I'd start poking at my face and go in looking worse.
So its into the surgery with me. I sit in the waiting room tweeting about the shock of the sight of myself and the next thing I get the terrible urge to lie down on the waiting room sofa and have a sleep. It was pulling me down saying 'sleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep'. Considering there were around 15 others in the waiting room I decided to fight the urge and tweet on my phone instead.
Ten minutes later the doctor called me in and first thing she says is 'OH my goodness you look awful'. Good huh? If I was the kind of person who was obsessed with my looks or had issues with it I'd be running for the harbour right now and throwing myself off it. SAKE!!! So anyway, I was poked, prodded, de-bloodied (if its not a word I don't care! I like it), blood pressure done,urine tested, a long chat about everything and 20 minutes later I emerged drained and feeling considerably worse and now waiting for a phone call today from a consultant.
Next I had to run Sophie's overnight bags to my mums as she was staying there to do a French essay with them last night. I walked in to my mum saying 'Oh dear pet you do look unwell. so pale' Self esteem level 0 now. She asked how doctor went and I told her then she proceeded to 'need' to offload some of her worries. Now, I am a listener. I love to sit and feel like just listening and having a chat is helping someone. Mum and I often sit and she tells me her worries and I'll sympathise over a cup of tea and a cuddle. Yesterday, I could feel the urge to keel over coming over me again. My Mum was talking and I felt like sliding off the sofa onto the floor and curling into a ball. I don't think I actually heard anything she said for an hour. I just nodded and made the right noises. I am a terrible daughter for that am I not! Eventually I made my excuses and left. Driving home I couldn't keep my eyes open. I was driving the long stretch along the beach and kept nodding off. I got home and came in, told hubby what the doctor had said and proceeded to nod off for 15 minutes.
I managed to drag my snoozy butt off the sofa long enough to make dinner then went straight to bed. How can one person be so tired? Not, yawning tired may I point out just drained beyond belief, and quite obviously it's noticeable since everyone is commenting on how 'awful' I look, less of a sleepy beauty and more of a tired, haggard, drained, old mess.
Today hubby has taken Caleb to the beach park and I am about to crash on the sofa with a cuppa and a dvd of 'blue juice'. I haven't seen this movie for about 10 years and it's one of my all time favourites. It'll make me melancholy for Newquay but I feel the need for some Sean Pertwee and surfing. YUM.