Monday, 18 October 2010

Am I Wrong?

I love my family. I really really do. All of them although I moan a lot about them.

But this week is killing me, well, I say this week but I think its been building up for a while. I'm exhausted all the time, completely wiped out. I've mentioned before other than a few short nights out to pictures etc over the last 3 years I haven't had more than the odd one hour off. I think hubby's taken the kids to his parents for an hour 3 times and my mum had Caleb once for me to get m y hair cut. (hence why I've had it done once since Caleb was born.)

So maybe that outlines a bit better why I'm feeling demented this week. Sophie's grounded again, with no phone, no mobile or laptop. Hubby's working nights, which means he sleeps all day and goes out to work after dinner. Caleb has been a bit under the weather, no sure why, but ictchy, moany, tired, clingy and generally time consuming (as toddlers are I accept this graciously), but when Caleb goes to bed at 8pmish and Hubby's at work, I'd love to be able to phone a friend or have a friend round. Or even just get peace on the laptop to chat on twitter. It's not to be though. The first few nights were ok. Sophie and I had nice girlie nights watching weekend trash tv and having girlie chats but now I'm so tired am desperately needing some time away from everyone. This sends my spiralling into guilt.

Is that awful? Should I feel this trapped?

Our house is very small and there's not much privacy in it at all. We barely all fit in to be honest but it does us. I'd just like somewhere I can go and have a chat with my mum on the phone or one of my friends. If I chat upstairs it disturbs Caleb and downstairs Sophs is around endlessly staring at the telly, tapping her glass or picking her braces and I'm getting the urge to send her to her room and telling her I need space. As a mum I don't feel I should though. Is that what being a mum's really about? Feeling trapped???

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